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Thursday, March 03, 2011
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
little johnny
Little Johnny Is Not An Obama Fan
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... Again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican."
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
how to Install a redneck burgler alarm
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
Messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
From all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
Messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
From all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Monday, January 25, 2010
download youtube to ur computer
YouTube has millions of videos available, and a ton more are being added every day. In addition to the stupid ones (of which there are quite a few), there are many that are entertaining, informative, even educational.
What if you're watching a video on YouTube, and you want to download that video to your computer for your own archives? You can look for a "Download" button, but you won't find one. Youtube doesn't want to make it easy for you to save videos to your computer, because they would rather have you come back to their website (and see their ads) whenever you want to view one.
Yet, thanks to a free service, downloading a YouTube video is pretty easy. Let's walk through it.
Let's say you're watching the Annoying Orange video. Watch the video on the YouTube site (here), and then of course you will see why most people would want to download that one and save it. Okay, maybe not, but it will work as an example for us anyway.
When you are watching that video on the YouTube site, you can look up at the top of the screen at the address bar and you will see the URL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL_qGMfbtAk
If you click once on the address, it will highlight the whole line in blue. Then click one more time, right after the "y" in "youtube". If you don't click in exactly the right place, you can use the arrow keys on your keyboard to move the cursor to immediately after the "y":
When the cursor is in the right place, just hit Backspace one time to erase the "y" and type the number 3. So you just replaced the "y" with a "3".
Now hit Enter on the keyboard. You will see a screen that offers to download the video to your computer - you just need to choose which format you prefer (.mp4 or .flv). In most cases you will probably want .mp4.
When you click that link, you will have the option to save the file to your computer. If you plan to download more than a few videos, it would be a good idea to create a special folder for just
What if you're watching a video on YouTube, and you want to download that video to your computer for your own archives? You can look for a "Download" button, but you won't find one. Youtube doesn't want to make it easy for you to save videos to your computer, because they would rather have you come back to their website (and see their ads) whenever you want to view one.
Yet, thanks to a free service, downloading a YouTube video is pretty easy. Let's walk through it.
Let's say you're watching the Annoying Orange video. Watch the video on the YouTube site (here), and then of course you will see why most people would want to download that one and save it. Okay, maybe not, but it will work as an example for us anyway.
When you are watching that video on the YouTube site, you can look up at the top of the screen at the address bar and you will see the URL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL_qGMfbtAk
If you click once on the address, it will highlight the whole line in blue. Then click one more time, right after the "y" in "youtube". If you don't click in exactly the right place, you can use the arrow keys on your keyboard to move the cursor to immediately after the "y":
When the cursor is in the right place, just hit Backspace one time to erase the "y" and type the number 3. So you just replaced the "y" with a "3".
Now hit Enter on the keyboard. You will see a screen that offers to download the video to your computer - you just need to choose which format you prefer (.mp4 or .flv). In most cases you will probably want .mp4.
When you click that link, you will have the option to save the file to your computer. If you plan to download more than a few videos, it would be a good idea to create a special folder for just
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
My dog
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this He pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than He needs, but He is not required to do any upkeep.
If He makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
Holy S#!t, my dog is a democrat!
He has his food prepared for him.
He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this He pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than He needs, but He is not required to do any upkeep.
If He makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
Holy S#!t, my dog is a democrat!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
HO HO HO
Check out jsmkt.com for the Christmas fun page
GOTO jsmkt.com and click on Christmas fun
http://jsmkt.com/page/1r86g/Home/Christmas_Fun.html
GOTO jsmkt.com and click on Christmas fun
http://jsmkt.com/page/1r86g/Home/Christmas_Fun.html
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Let Me Get This STRAIGHT
Let me get this straight.
We're going to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, signed by a president that also hasn't read it, and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and
financed by a country that's nearly broke.
What possibly could go wrong?
We're going to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, signed by a president that also hasn't read it, and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and
financed by a country that's nearly broke.
What possibly could go wrong?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
1 BR APT $125 WK
We have 1 apt for rent we have 3 units here the one that is vacent has 1 br ba 2 other rooms elec is furnished so is direct tv rents for $125 a week no cooking allowed in this unit but has microwave furniture is also furn or you can use yours $125 dep req call 865-235-1089 or come by to apply
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Proof Proofreading is a Dying Art
Could this be another reason why the print media is disappearing?
Most of their proofreading is done by a Spell Checker feature.
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing, lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
---------------------------------------------------------------- ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Most of their proofreading is done by a Spell Checker feature.
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing, lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
---------------------------------------------------------------- ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Obamas plan ???
Today on my way to lunch I passed a homeless guy with a sign that read “Vote Obama, I need the money.” I laughed.
Once in the restaurant my server had on a “Obama 08″ tie, again I laughed, as he had given away his political preference—just imagine the coincidence.
When the bill came, I decided not to tip the server and explained to him I was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept. He stood there in disbelief while I told him I was going to redistribute his tip to someone who I deemed more in need—the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from my sight.
I went outside, gave the homeless guy $10, and told him to thank the server inside as I decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.
At the end of my rather unscientific redistribution experiment, I realized the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn, even though the actual recipient needed money more.
I guess redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.
… OR IS IT? REDISTRIBUTION OF SOMEONE ELSE’S WEALTH IS A GREAT IDEA!!
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Windows Shortcuts
Let's start with the WinKey. This is the key with the backwards Windows flag or logo on it, which you may not have, depending on your keyboard.
WinKey + D = Minimizes all windows and shows the desktop
WinKey + L = Locks the computer (Windows XP only)
WinKey + Tab = Cycles through the programs shown on the taskbar
WinKey + F = Brings up the Windows Search box
WinKey+E = Opens up Windows Explorer
WinKey + R = Opens the Run dialog box
WinKey + Pause = Opens System Properties
Using the keyboard, you might find these useful.
SHIFT+F10 = Same as right-clicking an object
CTRL+ESC = Opens the Start menu
SHIFT = Press and hold down the SHIFT key while you insert a CD-ROM to bypass the auto-run feature
ALT+underlined letter in menu = Opens the menu
ALT+F4 = Closes the current program
CTRL+F4 = Closes the current window in a program
ALT+F6 = Switches between multiple windows in the same program
CTRL+Tab = Switches between multiple tabbed windows in the same program
SHIFT+DELETE = Deletes selection immediately, without it hitting the Recycle Bin
Keyboard shortcuts save time(Page 2 of 2) |  |
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| Here are some shortcuts for Microsoft Word. Ctrl + A = Selects all the contents of a page Google cheatsheet
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Friday, October 03, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Knoxville Anti-Price Gouging Petition
Knoxville Anti-Price Gouging Petition
visit jsmkt.com or come to John Sevier Mkt we will never GOUGE YOU LIKE THE OIL COMPANYS HAVE DONE
visit jsmkt.com or come to John Sevier Mkt we will never GOUGE YOU LIKE THE OIL COMPANYS HAVE DONE
Monday, September 01, 2008
Search Craigslist with GOOGLE
Search Craigslist worldwide, using Google
One of the great things about Craigslist (www.craigslist.org) is that it is very local. Just today I was looking for a specific piece of furniture - I found someone selling exactly what I needed, just a few miles away. We did the transaction and there were no seller fees or buyer fees of any kind.But the locality of Craigslist can also be a disadvantage. What if you are looking for something specific, but you are willing to travel for it if the deal is right? Sure, you can just look at the various individual locations separately, but that would take forever.
A better way is to use a specialized Google search. This is easy, and very handy for this type of Craigslist search.
I will illustrate this by using an example. Let's say you're looking for a 1965 Mustang. It doesn't matter where it is for sale, you just want to see all of the 1965 Mustangs that are listed on Craigslist. Here's what you do:
1. Go to Google and click on the link that says "Advanced Search". You will be taken to a new page with lots of ways to customize your Google search.
2. In the first section, called "Find web pages that have..." enter this text in the "all these words" field:
1965 mustang
3. In the section that says "But don't show pages that have...any of these unwanted words:", enter this word:
directory
4. Near the bottom of the form, where it asks "Search within a site or domain:", type this:
craigslist.org (note: don't include the "www" in front of the domain)
I also filter for language because I only speak English, but that is up to you. So now your search form looks like this (click to see it full size):
Now click the button in the lower right that says "Advanced Search". You are going to like the results. When I did this search, I got 1790 results - 1965 Mustangs for sale in Boston, Hong Kong, Denver, etc.Have fun with your new Craigslist search hack!
Monday, August 25, 2008
computer watchdog
http://www.computertutorflorida.com/blog/2008/08/get-watchdog-to-protect-your-computer.html
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